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Teeth Points

15 Jun

So right now, everything pales in comparison to my teeth. Specifically my RHS bottom wisdom tooth, it’s causing me more paint than I thought was possible. I don’t know if it’s infected, or just really shoving all my other teeth or, because of its position, whether it’s just really growing into my cheek, but it hurts like shit. It hurts to talk, swallow, chew, open my mouth, sleep, move and exist. I actually think how I will feel post-op will be a joy compared to how I feel right now.

In just two sleeps, I’ll be the proud owner of four less teeth. Not really “teeth” as such, since they are all growing sideways and don’t do anything my other teeth do, a couple of them have smashed up against other molars, trapping little germs and causing decay which has broken them so they are jagged and sharp and growing into my cheeks. It’s entirely my own fault that this is happening since I’m a massive sissy who has actively avoided dealing with having them removed until now.

They just called to move my appointment forward (YAY!) so that is very awesome. I’m spending the weekend with El Photog who will have the pleasure of listening to me moan in pain, feeding me baby food and otherwise being an epic shit with a sore mouth.

Yeah, I don’t know what else to say. I’m getting a haircut tomorrow in a vain attempt to having something going for me on Friday when I have the opening of the exhibition I’m in. I might be swollen and a little bloody and starting to bruise, but I will have great hair (it’s all about the details).

Catch you on the flip side! (With fewer teeth!) If you’re lucky, I might do one of those birth story type posts, where I explain my medical procedure in graphic detail. I fear it will be “So I got admitted, then they gave me this big fuck off needle and the next thing I remember I was awake and had four less teeth” but that’s still a fun story!

Quick Dots

10 Mar
  • There was a pair of underpants on the floor of my lecture theatre this morning. Girl underpants. Worn ones, I could tell because they were kinda rolled up like they get when you take them off. I’ve thought about them most of the day (is there any way I can say that without sounding like a total fucking nutter??) I just wonder if they’d fallen out the bottom of someone’s jeans, caught up in the leg from last time they were worn and wriggled their way out during the lecture. Did someone realise you could see them through a white skirt or dress and shimmy out of them? Or, most horrifyingly, was someone getting busy in a lecture?? Lectures aren’t that dark, and there is someone standing up there talking on a microphone and considering they were in the fixth or sith row, that’s pretty fucking close to the front. Not to mention to 500 or so other people in the theatre and the fact they RECORD THAT SHIT. Nothing says romance like incredibly public sex…
  • I can’t remember if I’ve mentioned it, but I am off chocolate at the moment. Since the start of the month, in fact. I haven’t even cheated! It has been incredibly difficult, chocolate is second only to air in my life, so not eating it has been a pretty big deal. For the first couple of days I would have licked it from underneath someone’s fingernails but now it’s easing off and becoming a bit more manageable. I am knee deep in wicked PMS at the moment and I still haven’t eaten it. I really do have an addiction, I am not sure if I will be able to eat it again. Like how alcoholics can’t just have one drink at a party, I don’t think I can just be a casual chocolate eater, so the healthier option is just not to eat it at all.
  • I have at least one piece of assessment due each week between now and the end of semester. For those playing at home, that’s a fuck load of assessment. They are mostly little shitty bits but they aren’t so small it’s worth not doing, so it’s just enough to bump up the stress levels and add that extra bit of pressure.  Awesome!

Confirmation

5 Sep

As I anticipated, Miss Jones is not coming back.

I feel like I’ve been punched in the stomach. I’ve been trying to prepare myself for that outcome, but I guess I was never going to quite believe it until she told me.

It’s balls. It’s good if you are Miss Jones, but I’m not, so I don’t like it.Yes, selfish, but I don’t even care. It fucking sucks, I am sick of this shitty luck and the people I love leaving. Why? Why don’t I deserve to have my people around me?

Another one bites the dust…

31 Aug

Last night I got an email from Best telling me her and BP are planning on moving to London in February.  It’s very exciting for them, they’ve been waiting to go for years because BP’s work has been talking about transfers and whatnot but they’ve finally decided to just go and stop waiting on everyone else.

Rather than be shitty about the fact I’ll have lost more of my special people to London, I decided to just get over it. I don’t want to move to London, I’ve done a northern hemisphere winter and they are shit. I know I can’t handle perpetual cold and like 18 hours of darkness a day. I need sunshine, I need space and I need warmth. I don’t love that the UK is taking all of my people, but what can I do about it? I still have Jac in Australia (until she decides to piss off OS, like everyone seems to do) so I am thankful for that. I still have one remaining pillar in my support system here, it’s all good.

I have also thrown together a bit of a business plan. It’s never something I’d done previously, I never really knew where I wanted things to go which now makes it seem very obvious why I never got anywhere. You don’t just get in your car and go for a drive with no place in mind, and then feel all useless when you don’t end up someplace cool. Now I know what I want, it’s not incredibly specific because I want to leave things open for some wiggle room but I have a pretty decent idea of how I want things to travel. More on that later!

Balls Up

18 Aug

Has anyone every felt like they’ve cocked up their whole life?

I’ve never felt like this before, even when I have my pity parties I never believed I’d done everything the wrong way but now I’m starting to suspect it. I’ve spent seven and a half years at uni and only have a bachelor degree that I don’t even want to use anymore. Have been left behind again, am single again, am living at home again. This was never the plan, I don’t ever recall dreaming wistfully of being an aimless bum when I was younger.

At the moment, I just don’t feel good about anything. I am always last at bootcamp so I feel useless at that, I was ripped through by a parent who’d only met me that moring at work today so I’m convinced to never go back to the industry because I am clearly terrible at it. Miss Jones gets on a plane tomorrow and there is every chance I’ll never see her again and my nearest and dearest are now both on the other side of Australia.

I just need something to look forward to. Some indication that better things are in store and it’s worth dealing with the melancholy at the moment.

When I grow up…

11 Aug

I kind of wish that I was pressured more into providing an answer for the question “What do you want to be when you grow up?” when I was little, cause god knows I’ve got no answer for it these days. The only answer I ever remember giving was “famous”, I didn’t really put any more thought into it. I just assumed you could be famous for being famous (and apparently you can, look at Ms Hilton) but now I realize that the reality isn’t quite so simple.

So, I resigned on Monday. Work was making me exceedingly unhappy and it’s just not worth feeling like that. I have plans in place for how to maintain an income but ultimately, I have no idea what I want to do. Well, that’s not exactly true. I do know what I’d like to do but it’s not really feasible or a wise move, so there’s a good chance I never will. Rather than explain my idea existence, I can just link it for you. Elsie is pretty much my god. Creating beautiful things for a living? Check. Awesome tattoos? Check. Being blissful happy each day? Check. Gorgeous pug dog-baby? Check. Great hair? Check. She’s just leading the kind of life I would adore, but I’ve got no idea how to go about it. Does it just happen? Do you just kinda do your thing and then maybe one day you find yourself in the right place at the right time? Or do you spend your entire life trying to pursue something that you’ll never quite reach. I suppose I’m scared to try in case it’s never meant to be and I’m chasing a target I was never meant to reach but I’m also scared that it just might be what I am supposed to do but I’ve spent all my time worrying about trying to do the “sensible thing” that I’ve just missed any opportunity I might have had.

Do people ever really feel like they are doing what they are supposed to do? How do you find out what you should be doing? I feel like I need a careers counselor, but just one who will tell me what I should be doing, I don’t need options or choices, I need to be told!! I think I know what “normal” options I’d like to pursue until I get to be famous but I still don’t know for sure.

I am calling on you clever cookies to nominate a great job for me. You can choose one “dream job” (e.g. lion tamer, balloon sculptor) and one actual job (bank teller, teacher) if you’d like. If you’ve been reading me for a while I reckon you’d have a pretty clear picture of the kind of person I am, so your suggestions are just as good as mine would be. Even if you’ve only read me twice, feel welcome to give it a shot, it’s not like you can fuck up my career path anymore than it already is! 😉

A pain in the neck

4 Aug

That’s my biggest gripe at the moment. It hurt yesterday and I thought I just slept funny but by the afternoon it was just aching all over and today it still hurts just as much. I feel like I’m getting sick, a friend of mine had a super sore neck and then developed a hideous flu (possibly swiney, but by the time she saw a doctor she’d gone through the worst of it so they didn’t test her). I don’t wanna get sick right now, I am on the shift I like this week, next week there is a public holiday and the week after I am taking a day off so right now work is pretty bareable!

I am dealing with Miss Jones being gone better than I thought I would. It is entirely bizarre to still talk to someone every day and be in love with them but not be together, I suppose when she has offically left the country and I won’t speak to her everyday that it will really suck but right now I am keeping super busy so I don’t have time to dwell too much. At the moment, I am kinda hopeful that she’ll just come back after a little while and we can still live happily ever after. I know this logic is potentially flawed and that I am most likely setting myself up for epic heartbreak, but it just makes it so much easier if I entertain the though that she might just come back.

I am still bootcamping away, I am still hoping desperatly for a new job and still so clucky for a dog baby it hurts.

I’ve decided that the little ferals will be doing an art show. We practiced painting nicely and not mixing colors or putting water in the paint and the rest of this week we’ll practice different techniques and keep talking about how we are going to do the show. I figured they needed a big project to work towards, and it can tie in things like how to write invitiations, how to display things so people can appreciate them, sharing resources with other people, helping and generally learning skills to make them less beastly. Plus, it’ll be fun for me!

Today after work I happened to walk by a video game store and came out with 3 games and $113 less in my purse. I justify it by needing to keep myself distracted and the fact that I will soon be holidaying with The Olds and I will very much need some portable entertainment. My selection of games is probably the same as a nine year old girl’s would be, but I am content. Cutesy little puzzle type games = WIN!